Monday, April 15, 2013

One of many marriage revelations

He leaves time on the microwave. Almost always.
The peanut butter never makes it back to the place on the shelf that I assigned it. (Yeah, our pantry items have assigned seats, don't yours?)
As long as we're talking PB&J, how hard could it be to put the jelly in the fridge door instead of on the top shelf where it mingles with the likes of yogurt and leftovers?

You're all probably wondering how I manage to stay with the man, right?
Seriously, that's just the kitchen! :)

But more seriously, these things might be true, but I offer them up lightheartedly to illustrate a point.
As Christian wives, we have some great instruction in the Bible to guide our relationships with our husbands.
"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:10-12
My husband (his name is Chris) has helped me learn the value of holding back these seemingly small criticisms. What I would have always considered "teasing" has been shown to me to be hurtful at times. We just noted that an "excellent wife" does her husband good and NOT harm. Even when we feel a pull to join in with a group of ladies who aren't holding back, we should remember the hearts of our husbands that should safely trust in us.

How does this look in reality? For one thing, I could be thankful that my husband joins me in the kitchen and shares some of the work there. If that means I end up rearranging my expertly organized pantry more often, so be it!

Another example occurred to me while browsing some photos taken at my youngest daughter's birth by my friend Amy at Best Day Ever Photo .

My mom (who was present for the birth) asked if I remembered how Chris was stroking my hair at one point, and if I liked it. "He was sort of going back and forth in the same spot, instead of stroking in just one direction," she told me. "I almost suggested he do it differently, but I figured if you wanted him to, you'd let him know.."
I thought about that statement, and realized that Chris always does that with my hair when I ask for a massage. In that surreal moment of being just minutes away from pushing and meeting our third baby, he was comforting me the same way he always offers to. Sure, stroking my hair from my face smoothly in one direction would be the more typical way. But this was his way. It comforted me to know without looking up that it was Chris behind me, helping me in his way.

I would condense this into some marriage advice. Try not to see all the things you do differently from each other as faults in the other person, or irreconcilable differences. Look for the ways those differences help you grow. You won't find a perfect person on either side of your marriage bed. God is bringing you both closer to Him by giving you an opportunity to practice patience and kindness. It is still not about you.

Go do your husband some good and not harm!


Linked up today at To Love Honor and Vacuum.


  1. You have a spot for the peanut butter?? You would not like me. Not at all. My jelly is hard to find, too, and it ain't my hubby's fault. ;-)

    1. Well, I have a shelf where I like the peanut butter to go ;) Don't worry, I don't actually label pantry spots! But suffice it to say, I've lowered my expectations of neatness in our busy and young family! And that's not a bad thing!


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